THE JOYS OF PAST BANK HOLIDAY MOTORING

The recent May Bank Holiday was the opportunity for many of us to enjoy our classic cars. Plus, conjure a few memories for those of a certain age -

• Vinyl upholstery. Admittedly it was easy to clean, even after an incident involving an exploding bottle of Corona lemonade and the rear seat of a Ford Cortina 1600 De Luxe Mk. III. On the other hand, it often required the application of a damp flannel to make even a short journey bearable.
• In-Car Entertainment – or the lack of it. As recently as the early 1980s, even a MW/LW radio was by no means a guaranteed fitting in a bottom-of-the-range car. On a long journey, at least, the result was a revival of the lost art of conversation - i.e., repeating the line “are we nearly there yet” on a regular basis. Such lines intensified with –
• - Traffic jams. There is nothing quite like sitting for two hours on the A36, fixedly staring at the taillights of a Vauxhall Viva 1300L HC, accompanied by the Greek Chorus from the rear seat
• The cassette player. Theoretically, this was a vast improvement on a radio that seemed only to receive stations whose playlist consisted of The Best of Bachman Turner Overdrive. However, in practice, the fitting would eat its way through most cassettes, destroying the works of Madness, The JoBoxers and Spandau Ballet with equal elan.
• Transport Cafes. When they were good, they were very very good. However, they were a fusion of Hell Drivers and that scene in the George and Mildred film with Dudley Sutton and his gang of antique bikers when they were bad.
• Brief visits to purchase supplies in village shops reminiscent of Children of the Stones. Their specialities tended to be bottles of warm Panda Pops, local newspaper with the headline “Colour Television – Is It Witchcraft?” and muttering to local clients that “strangers” had entered the premises.
• Motorway Services. It could be that my family had the unerring ability to discover the worst catering venues in the UK - come to think of it, this may well be the case. Even so, the ‘M-Way’ establishments we visited had all of the welcome of a disused bus shelter.
• Car ventilation - or the lack of it. Yes, front quarter vents can be highly effective, but there are those times, such as summer storms, when the windows need to be rolled up. As a result, the interior of a second-hand Austin A60 Cambridge or Mini 850 would start to resemble a hothouse.
• Malfunctioning telephone boxes. Well into the 1990s, mobile usage was not universal in the UK, and so the alternative was finding a functioning red K6 kiosk. Unfortunately, as this famous scene in Clockwise illustrates, this was by no means a straightforward task – and that was assuming you had a supply of tenpence coins.

• And of course – overheating. It would not be a proper Bank Holiday outing without encountering at least one car wreathed in steam, often accompanied by its proud owner uttering phrases not found in The Highway Code.

Happy memories…